Who goes there? Friend or foe?

"True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice."
- Samuel Johnston

Friend (n) - 1. A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. A person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile.

Synonyms: 1. comrade, chum, crony, confidante
2. backer, advocate
3. ally, associate, confrere, compatriot

Antonyms: Enemy. Foe.

My mother always told me that when I didn't understand something, to look it up. She'd answer my questions to an extent.. but in the end I always had to figure it out on my own. Whether it be how to spell "experience" (thanks, Mom) or what my heritage is. It didn't matter if I didn't understand the Pythagorean Theorem or if I knew where the constellation Cassiopeia was in the night sky. As long as I tried, as long as I did my research.. she was satisfied. My mother hated it when I asked her questions I could have answered on my own. When I did try, when I wasn't too lazy to 'look it up'.. she gladly answered my question if I still hadn't found the answer. And if she didn't know, she did the research with me. That's what you get when your mom is a librarian.

So now that I'm out of the house, living on my own, and making my own decisions... I am having to do some hard research.
"Mom, HOW do you make your cookies so soft!?"
"Daddy, how am I going to pay my bills?"
"Sissy? Do you have any old furniture I can borrow?"
"Mom, why do I keep doing it wrong....?"

They don't always have answers for me. They can't always help me.

They're there for me. But I have to answer my questions on my own now.

They can't help me when a long-time friend becomes my ultimate foe. My mother "told me so". And I know I should have listened to her in the beginning. But even she was a victim of deception. My father "is sorry". He wants to make it go away.. but that's not his job anymore. And try as he might, it's just not gonna happen. My siblings are all different. My sister laughs with me and allows me to be spitefully immature about it when I'm upset. My oldest brother is steady as a rock and shows me how to be strong. My other older brother just says "toughen up Elwood. You're better than her anyhow." And in his hard-ass, redneck way.. comforts me with tough love. Anthony tells me it's not my fault, lets me cry, and picks me back up each time I fall. Pretending he isn't tired of it.

You never really know a person. Scary, and sad. I thought I knew everything about 'my best friend'. And yet.. I always knew she was manipulative and deceitful. I was naive enough to think that I'd never receive the wrath of this side of her. I can promise, I won't be so sure next time.

What hurts me the most. I did everything I could to empower her as a person. When we became friends, she was broken, shy, self-deprecating in the worst way, and she let everyone she loved walk on her. I stood up for her. I gave her a reason to be proud of who she was. For years, I step in between her and those I cared about. Risking my relationship with them for her. Not caring how that person reacted to me, but how they responded to her. I could deal with my relationship later. I lost a lot of friends for that. More than I ever let her know.

So when she ditched me for a user (and abuser). It hurt. Big time. But, now that I see the real issue. I feel sorry for her. Yet, it's not my fault. I helped her the best I could. I believed in her with all my heart. She was the one who had to make it happen. And she fell short. I just didn't catch her this time, like she expected me to. Because how would she ever stand on her own if she continued to expect me to catch her every time. So she did the unthinkable, instead of getting up and acting like an adult (whether it be move on without me, or realize what I was doing and accept it), she decided to turn against me. She spread a rumor. An irreversible rumor. She put me in a position that people who didn't know better, would have a hard time believing me and the truth. Now, I'm not so immature as to get upset over a rumor. Rumors are just that.. immature. But this rumor was on that damaged someone I care about most. That's why she did it. I would indulge the rumor.. but then what point would I be proving? Plus laying the rumor out on the web would hurt that person more.. so why would I be that stupid?

Place yourself in this situation. The person you care most about, has had a hard upbringing. Whether it be abuse, or just tough luck. And then they fall into a rut. A bad rut.. one they finally get out of. But even though they are out of the rut, the feel that no one beleives in them. That unnacceptable behavior is what is expected. And then someone they trust starts a rumor.. a rumor of their worst fear. A rumor that this person thinks everyone expects from them. Even if it's not true. You can't fix that. And that is what bothers me so much. It wasn't me that was hurt. She hurt someone that cared about her so much. So now she's gone. Out of my life. And that's most likely the best place for her. Yet, I can't blame myself. I did everything I could. And I'm not the one enforcing this silent treatment. She knows that I will gladly speak with her, meet her somewhere, or just email her if she's willing to talk about it. But I'm not going back there. I'm not covering her mistakes and I'm not taking her excuses. This one is on her. She is the one who has to come to me. And I'm ready. I've forgiven and moved on. But until she's ready to explain to me why she did what she did or apologize, I don't want anything to do with her. I don't need that in my life. I can't be pulled down continuously by someone I'm trying to help.

In empowering her to stand up for herself. I let her walk all over me. And I won't do it again.